There are times when you can't seem to understand your own emotions, times when you don't know yourself. There are days when you can't figure out your thoughts, your feelings...Tough are such days though few and far between. They bring you down to terra firma. They are your brush with an alternate reality that you know exists, yet pretend not to know about...

I had such a day after I don't even remember how long. A day when tears were threatening to break down the walls of quiet resolve, when even the "public" smile refused to bail me out. I'm glad I was alone then... There are times when you're upset and you want to share your pain with someone and then there are times when you just want to be left alone. It was one of those latter ones... albeit rare.

I know not what happened to cause it, but the feeling was there...the feeling of strange emptiness, listlessness and a dull pain. It's not that intense now, it's like a wave that washes over you and goes by. But it leaves you wet to the core nonetheless. So, the feeling's gone but the after effects remain... Everytime I laugh, I feel a hollowness inside me. I feel as if I'm pretending- in front of the world and maybe even to myself. There's something the matter and I just can't put my finger to it. I carry on with my daily chores but I'm not what I used to be a couple of days ago. I'm changing and I don't know this person that I'm changing into. That's what's bothering me. I want to be me, the me I've known all my life. I don't want to be this person who's unnecessarily contemplative, worried, hassled and sad. I need some time alone with myself. I need to ask myself what went wrong and when? I want to not stop the sadness but to let it take over me and then GO. I just want to cry and cry till I have no more tears left in my system choking me up. I just want to be able to be happy again...