Honesty: Can we handle it?

One of my primary responsibilities as an Educator is to keep the parents informed about the progress of their wards. One would think that the parents and/or guardians would want that to be the case and would want to know an accurate and true report. But sometimes things happen that shake you up and make you wonder if it is worth it. Why do people only want you to say the things they want to hear?

As a part of our entire education process at our preschool here, we observe each and every child and follow their development rather keenly. It's most essential to do that as a lot of grey areas in a child's physical/ mental/ social/ emotional development can be identified early and in many cases rectified, too. I had a child here at my preschool who's had a rather traumatic first two years of life. He not only witnessed his parents' messy divorce but was tossed around between his paternal and maternal grandparents and never actually got to live peacefully with either parent. Even now, he's staying with his grandparents and the mother works in another city. The child when he came to us, was extremely insecure and could not even hold eye contact even for a few seconds. He would cry and cry really hard every morning for a good half hour or so. While crying, he would throw up his breakfast and generally be very upset and angry. However, with the passage of time, he sort of settled in and like all kids his age was quite happy to be playing and running around, though most of the time he preferred to be by himself and was not really interacting actively with the other kids. We assumed that given a little time, he'd be okay. Then sometime around last month we noticed some pecularities in his behaviour. He was exhibiting repetitive behaviour like running around in circles, running up and down the length of a room, talking to himself etc. After watching this for a couple of days, Sunil and I became slightly concerned and decided that if it continued, we'd inform his grandparents in whose care he presently was. As luck would have it, this child's mother came visiting the same day. I still remember it was a Friday. Now I think it would be relevant to mention here that the child's Mom and his grandfather are both practicing doctors. Nonetheless, I gently mentioned the facts as they were to the mother and told her that we only wanted her to know this at the earliest as these symptoms could be indicative of autism. She broke down and I had to call Sunil to help me talk to her and comfort her. She ruled out the possibility of any disorder and kept saying that the child was okay, if only a little stubborn and moody. Anyway, we kept telling her that it was our duty as educators to inform her and that we too sincerely hoped that it was just a passing phase. She collected her child and went home.

It's been almost 3 weeks and the child hasn't come to school. The child's grandfather is not taking my calls and honestly, I haven't tried the mother's number because deep inside me I know that child is not coming back. His place is just around the corner from my school but I won't be going over to find out why he's been absenting himself. I don't think anything that I say or do now is going to change things. I've known his family for more than 20 years now and that includes his Mom. It may be that being a single parent she's more sensitive and more protective of her child, but then as the child's educator, don't I have any responsibilty or duty towards him? Would she rather that I said only nice and pleasant things about the child and painted a rosy picture? I perfectly understand a mother's love for her child; I am a mother of two myself and I truly believe that motherhood brings out compassion and sensitivity like nothing else. But why do we parents let our judgment get so clouded that we deny reality even when it's staring us in the face? Why do we shut our eyes to the unpleasant things in life and think that we can just wish them away? I don't want to sound very objective and practical because I know that's not really possible where your kids are concerned but shouldn't we do something about the problems facing them rather than look the other way? We all harp on about honesty, but are we really ready to handle it when it is dished out? I don't know how I would have reacted if I had been in that lady's place and I hope that she'll do whatever is needed to make sure her child is fine.

That child may not come back to my school. It's alright. I do hope wherever he is, he is fine and turns out okay. My best wishes to the mother too...

Meanwhile, even though part of me wonders if being honest, communicating, reporting and keeping the parents aware is such a good idea after all, I know that I did the right thing and I'll still keep doing it no matter what.