The Beginning of Death

Sometimes in life when you seem to have everything you wished for and you think it couldn’t be better, life’ll throw such a surprise at you, you won’t know what hit you. Sometimes just as you start getting a little complacent and start to take things a little easy, life catches you by your shoulders, shakes you up. Then it turns around…throws you a smirk and half a smile and walks away. All you are left with is a pain so solid you think you can see it and touch it but you can’t get it off you. It tightens itself around your chest like a large hungry python and ties itself into a knot. Then it starts crushing your body, your bones….you can feel it’s intensity right through to your heart and it keeps worsening till it has sucked the very life out of you. You are out cold, senseless, formless, soulless with nothing but a look of wonder and extreme horror in your eyes.

Sometimes when you think you’ve got love and that’ll set everything right, destiny and fate teach you a dirty lesson. That sometimes love too isn’t enough. A person you love dearly goes through turbulent times and no matter how much you love that person you can’t reach out to them. You can empathise but you can’t lessen their pain. And the pain and sadness in them won’t let your love get anywhere near them. Pain and suffering are two such black holes. They’ll swallow every other emotion the person comes in contact with. When they are dwelling in you, they won’t let any light of joy and happiness in. What could be worse than seeing your very loved one fall into the abyss or go over the edge? I think what’s worse is when you can see what’s happening and yet do zilch about it.

There are times when prayers don’t work, good wishes don’t work, companionship doesn’t work, talking doesn’t work, love doesn’t work….What is one to do then? Let go or hold on? Definitely not the former. After all this one life is so precious to you. But how does one reach out? How does one convince the other person that they are needed, loved and treasured? And to top it all, if there’s physical distance between you, what does one do then? You can’t see them, can’t reach over and hug them or hold them tight, give their arm a reassuring squeeze…

It is then that the dark pain in that other person laughs out loud, coz it’s got you now. It’s powers are doubled because now it has two bodies to dwell in. You are as sad as your loved one. It’s going strong…It’s winning this tug-of-war. Soon your whole world will be engulfed by this darkness and you won’t know what to do.

Then there will come a time when you won’t know whether you gave birth to this monster or vice versa….

There will be a time when you won’t know anything apart from this. It’ll be your second nature, your lord, your master.

It’ll have taken over you, your soul, your spirit.

You will be one with it…..and that’ll be the end of life and the beginning of death….